January, February, March

Winter is not coming, it is in full swing, and I love it. Putting on 5 layers of clothing every single morning (thermal shirt, wool turtleneck, tight sweater, big sweater, coat) is just one of the few pleasures of the most wonderful time of the year.

While I love Winter more than anything else, I still get the January blues every now and then. However, this year is different. Instead of convincing myself I really am living my best life watching tv shows on the living room couch, I have been putting myself out there. Quite a daunting task! 

It feels like I'm putting myself in one of the most vulnerable positions imaginable and firmly occupying that spot without leaving. It includes crippling insecurities. It feels like you're constantly torn between who you are and who you want to be, and I guess that those versions of yourself are not that far apart after all. 

As I wrote in my diary a few weeks ago, I have been loving. Perhaps not in the traditional, romantic sense of the word, but in a more abstract way. A sense of love that is detached from basic happiness or sadness and prefers to be a feeling of its own. Love for writing, love for my surroundings, love for what I stand for. Whereas January felt like an incoherent sequence of emotions, events and emotional events, it seems to be falling into place this month. 

In the end, I would rather regret feeling too much than feeling too little, so here I am trying to make sense of my feelings to you. I feel like I stopped being as personal as I used to be on this blog somewhere along the way and got lost in trying to make this blog as lighthearted, silly and humble as possible. In my constant fear of coming over as pretentious, part of my authenticity got lost. I found myself constantly asking myself the same question for the past few months: am I doing this because it makes me feel good or because the positive affirmation of others makes me feel good? It's easy to assume that nobody will like what you do, whether that relates to your haircut or passions or anything else you get to decide over. You can't feel disappointed when you didn't expect a positive reaction in the first place. However, holding myself back from sharing my passions has done nothing for me. I got so carried away in trying to be an independent individual that I forgot what I really wanted.  All of this has had an impact on my blog in terms of how I wanted to present myself to the world. Fortunately, the time has come to clear things up and be the most open and authentic version of myself again.

So where do I begin? 
I finished exams, had a great Christmas break, got my wisdom teeth removed and spent a week on my couch in a daze of painkillers, met new people and reconnected with people I already knew, went to parties, threw parties, dyed my hair, went to climate protests,  went to concerts, celebrated my 17th birthday with the people I love most in the world, had major mood swings, developed a caffeine addiction, slept too little, made a lot of late night gifs in photoshop, felt insecure, allowed myself to feel insecure without thinking I'm weak, finished two journals even though my writing is crap, moved into my sister's old room, and had a lot of other experiences that are too meaningful to just loosely mention on this blog. 

So I guess this is it. I'm not sure what to use this platform for anymore and I'm still trying to figure things out. I started this blog to fangirl about clothes, and it quickly turned into a documentation of my teenage years and ongoing concerns, from existential crises to buzz cuts to feeling pressured because of my Instagram. I feel like I've outgrown this blog, but I'm not ready yet to leave this part of me behind. Documenting my life on here has made me more ambitious, more passionate, more determined to do what I love more than anything; writing. In the end, I could've chosen any way to capture my surroundings: film, photography, painting or music. However, writing has stuck and I hope one day I can make it into my career, despite feeling like my writing (and as a result myself) sucks. 

This is not a goodbye, but not a 'welcome back' either. I will see you again once I've figured out what to do with this blog. 



A Realistic Winter Flatlay

Dear Readers,

there's something I need to tell you.

*leans in closely and glances around suspiciously, as if I were about to reveal to you the top-secret coordinates of the snowy mountain in which the proof that we're living in a simulation is buried*

"You know those Flat Lay posts I always do? Yeah, well... I never really use that stuff very often. It just looks pretty. "

Am I a horrible person now? Are my seasonal flat lays nothing more than an insignificant example of my ongoing desire to show off my materialistic side? And, most importantly, does this make me a superficial person? 

It takes only a short scrolling through my blogposts to find several examples of these so called flat lays. Each one follows a basic format that revolves around a certain theme (f.e Summer, literature, ...): a bunch of visually appealing objects displayed in an interesting way on some kind of flat surface. My preference goes out to objects like beauty products (extra points for pretty perfume bottles), books, records, shoes, clothes, magazines, jewellery, and often a bunch of cards or photos or random shells from a beach in somewhere in France that you found a long time ago and can't seem to get rid of.

If you take away the stuff I use only for practical reasons, you're left with that weird pile of rather run down, yet eccentric objects. On itself, almost none of these items show of great significance. However, it's about the value I attach to them. A copy of my favorite book (The Secret History by Donna Tartt, if you didn't already know due to my semi-hysteric fangirl outbursts) might not be worth much to the world, nor induce a global revolution. Nonetheless, it is worth much to me, and maybe it even set off a tiny revolution in me, and maybe that's enough for it to be meaningful. 

But doesn't the value I attach to objects come from my mind rather than the object itself? After all, this copy of The Secret History is worth nothing to me without the deep sentimental worth I gave it, and no one can take that away from me. With that idea in mind, I could go on to get rid of these minor, insignificant objects I put in my flat lays all together.

But that's not what I'm here for today.

Today I thought I'd switch things around, do something absolutely CRAZY and do a realistic flatlay post. Because that's just who I am, with my QUIRKY and ABSOLUTELY ORIGINAL and WEIRD ideas.

(Do you ever get tired of your own writing? Reading the above, I do.)

So, without further incoherent nonsense/teen girl whining, behold my Realistic Winter Flatlay featuring only four objects, each one for practical purposes.


My charger has been one of my ultimate Winter essentials this year because my phone keeps dying. I recently went outside, took out my phone a few minutes later and it was literally so cold the battery just died. I should probably get it checked. The headphones are for a) bike rides and b) because I'm an antisocial prick and sometimes the Winter Blues get the best of me. Nothing says 'don't even try and talk to me' more than headphones.


This thing not only keeps me warm but makes me look like I have a giant head! That's two positives.


So apparently I have long hair now? When did that happen? It's now long enough to put up into a low bun and since I've had pixie cuts for four years, my hair tie collection is nonexistent. Funnily enough, this scrunchie isn't even mine (I "borrowed" it from a friend) but I've been wearing it constantly to hide my static Winter hair and because I love the feeling of having hair long enough to put into a bun.

That's it. Did I really just write an entire post mocking my own posts?




Yet again I find myself writing on here way later than I would have wanted to. The less I post here, the more disconnected I feel from this blog, making me hesitate to be as personal as I would usually be. I will try and change that today.

2018 was a weird year in the way that everything felt fleeting. Having all the feels one second and forgetting about it the next. In many ways, I don't feel like 2018 had a great impact on me. This isn't the year I turned my life around, nor the year I leaped out of my comfort zone very often. However, reminiscing about 2018 leaves me feeling like the person I was in January is only a vague predecessor of who I am now. While "the biggest changes are the ones we don't notice" is the kind of corny quote I would usually roll my eyes and/or pretend to puke at, I must admit that it resonates with me.

(Will I turn into a soccer mom who decorates the house with live, laugh, love quotes now? Well, I'll try not to, but I can't make any promises. Operation soccer mom is cancelled. Someone stop me when I find myself looking for a slow cooker online.)

I haven't been active online this year because it was spent connecting with life outside of the internet (the outernet! hashtag punny!) and spending time with people very close to my heart. I haven't been active because I've come to realize the value I attach to academics. I haven't been active because I don't feel like documenting my life online anymore, and that frightens me because I don't want to be low-key or boring or grown up. Most of all I haven't been active because I simply don't feel like it and prefer to spend my time otherwise, and I guess I need some sort of approval for this because I always find myself making up excuses for not writing on here while I don't even mind myself.

But this isn't a goodbye. I will probably continue updating you on my life on here well into my 40s, especially when I have turned into the 45-year-old soccer mom I'm bound to become.


Let's dive into my phone archives and find out how I've been wasting my time this year.

MOMENTS: The past year was not marked by major events nor life-changing shifts. It's just made up of a bunch of incoherent happenings that stuck with me anyway; spending way too much time hanging out at my friends' houses after school, going to London for a school trip, spending a week at the French sea, my 16th birthday and some other little trips and events I didn't mention. 

BOOKS: I didn't read as much as I would've liked this year but I managed to read a moderate amount of books (some of which I absolutely loved, some of which I didn't) including Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, Mythos by Stephen Fry, His Dark Materials by Philip Pullman, Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami, The Penderwicks At Last by Jeanne Birdsall (don't judge me, this is really nostalgic), the entire Maze Runner trilogy by James Dashner (this was a five day reading marathon of not very high end but addictive literature), The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, Simon vs The Homosapien Agenda by Becky Albertalli and Grace: A Memoir by Grace Coddington. I also reread The Secret History approximately 38503 times for good measure.

FILMS: I honestly can't remember every film I watched this year, but I recently watched Beautiful Boy which was heartbreaking and emotional and also beautiful. Some other gems I watched include Good Will Hunting, Dead Poets Society, Isle of Dogs, The Florida Project and Black Swan.

MUSIC: my 2018 playlist consisted of a lot of 80s Autumn Beats, a decent amount of Jorja Smith, some Step Up soundtrack songs, a lot of Tommy Genesis and some random Taylor Swift/Kendrick Lamar/Janet Jackson/Backstreet Boys songs. Sounds like a mishmash, which it definitely is. You would probably all think my taste in music sucks if you'd listen to my playlists.

I guess that's pretty much it! Thank you for sticking out another year with me and keeping up with my bullshit blog posts. I love you all to infinity.


Autumn Musings

I recently did some extensive analytical research inside my very own blog, and some shocking facts have come to light. From this lengthy analysis *cough*, I've drawn the following conclusions *cough cough*:

- I post very rarely, and when I do, I start off by apologizing for not posting. These peculiar activities, or shall I say, lack of activities, are in no way beneficial to my writing skills, or blogging skills, or productivity skills, which seamlessly brings me to the following conclusion...

- When I DO post on here, I usually stick to a certain post structure *dramatically flips paper of a flipchart*. It looks like this:
  1. apologizing for not posting (see above)
  2. chit chat/small talk/pointless rambling about how my life is going in an attempt to subtly proceed to the actual subject of my blogpost.
  4. the actual post, including some pictures from my Instagram you've already seen, some kind of joke about my hair, a series I'm obsessed with and a picture of the one time I got out of the house that month.
  5. a chaotic ending in which I promise to post more often (spoiler: I won't)
I guess you could call me a creature of habit, or a creature of laziness. Take your pic.

Regardless, I've decided to maintain this format today. Here we go.

Life's been all kinds of weird lately. A strangely disappointing September made room for a somewhat chilly October. You all know that cold weather is my jam, so it should come as no surprise that I've been wearing velvet shorts with sweaters 27/7. I even wore my over the knee boots to school, a decision I quickly regretted mid-day when the temperatures rose. 

I started writing for Affinity Magazine, which is an online magazine for teens by teens. It's been really cool and informative to write in a setting like this and reach an audience much bigger than my own. It's been really challenging to set goals for myself and devote myself to writing on a regular basis. It's also the reason I haven't posted anything on Instagram in about three weeks. I'm sorry. 

On another note, I've been working very hard for school, which takes up a big chunk of my time these days. I've never been the kind of person to focus on school so much, but it's become increasingly important to me to thrive academically. I guess I found out that I actually like studying maths and Latin. It's something I want to work hard for. 

In between all of that, September was also fashion month, which meant fashion week, which meant being at school fangirling over Proenza Schouler. I'll make a trend report this month if I have the time!

This is what my Autumn has looked like so far.

I finished Middlesex and Mythos at the end of Summer, but I was mentally already in Autumn mode. Middlesex was a rather tough read because of its writing style, but it was nonetheless heartbreakingly beautiful. Mythos was full of funny remarks and witty uttering, which I loved, naturally.


I must admit that it's been hard not to pick out these velvet shorts every single day when I get dressed. People around me can confirm that I've worn these babies repeatedly this month. They've been a staple in my wardrobe for over two years now, and I don't think I'll ever get tired of them. They're Rodarte X & Other Stories (I know, I still can't believe that collab actually happened either). On the right is the cover of my most recent diary. For some reason, Autumn calls for writing more than anything. While my diary entries are of low literary standard and are most often bland descriptions of what I'm up to at that moment, they are very close to my heart.

According to my usual structure, there are only a few things left to say before I publish this post and go back to studying.

1. About my hair: it's now a full-on bob and it's a few centimeters away from being shoulder length. I love it. 

2. About a series obsession: nothing new, I've been rewatching some episodes of The Mindy Project and a few Skam episodes after a particularly angsty week. 

3. About that one time I got out of the house: there were multiple times, and they were great. I went to a few parties, hung out with my friends and siblings and probably did some other stuff, but I can't recall them right now.

So that's it! I promise I'll write on here again very soon (lol). 



Autumn Vibes (part 1)

September has started. Moody teenagers make their way back to school. Coffee orders switch from "an unsweetened soy milk non-dairy iced latte with extra whipped cream and two pumps of hazelnut syrup of organic origins please" to "could I get a cappucino?". People start swapping shorts for trousers (except for that one kid at school that wears shorts all year 'round). Basically, it's a bunch of great things combined into one great season. The greatest season of all: Autumn.

I couldn't be happier about Autumn starting again. I am not a Summer kind of person, and I prefer Autumn over any other season because of many reasons. I mostly like the fact that I have an excuse to stay inside and read books all day, though I also like the continuous rain and fashion month. All of these seasonal delights can be moulded into one general term: Autumn Vibes.

I used to make vibe posts for every single season, except for Winter because that's mostly pajama vibes and thermal leggings under everything vibes. However, I can't be bothered anymore to write entire posts dedicated to seasons I don't even like that much. Autumn is my season, you guys. I thrive during Autumn.

This time, I split up the vibes into two segments: 'elite-college in a cold climate'- vibes and random fashion vibes. They all kind of merge into this one giant mess of a blogpost.

I guess you're all really curious about this year's vibes, right?

*indifferent mumbling from afar*

Well, let's start then.

Selena Gomez by Petra Collins, Meadham Kirchoff via Rookiemag (I think???)

Screenshot from Good Will Hunting, Venus statue
 Some unknowns from Tumblr (sorry!)

Kate Moss for Vogue styled by Grace Coddington, Venus bust, quote from The Secret History

Jacqueline Ashton by Petra Collins, eye candy via Rookiemag, Rachel in Friends, Yara Shahidi for Vogue (??), Beyonce in Yoncé, Chanel backstage, Lorde via Instagram

Venus pictures (lol again) via the Venus Wikipedia page, landscape via Tumblr (let me know who the photographer is! I want to give correct credit)
Some Gucci campaign in the background, eye candy from Rookiemag

Tommy Genesis via Clash (I think), Unknown via Tumblr, Prada (??) boots, Apollo bust via Wikipedia probably, Unknown via Tumblr, Elle Fanning backstage at Miu Miu via Vogue

God that was a lot of work.

Summer so far

I haven't really told you what I did in July, and we're almost halfway through Summer!

The first month of Summer was one that consisted of mixed feelings. As always, Summer started of with some parties, picknicks, meetups and dinners because thankgoodnessschoolisfinallyoveromg. After the chaos was over and boredom started to creep up on me, I left for vacation in France with my family. It was amazing. I wish I was there right now, because we only stayed for a week and I already miss it so freaking much. When I got back from France about two weeks ago, I contacted all of my friends because I was already suffering from post-vacation sadness. Let me tell you something: every single one of my friends was out of the country. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. I'm not even kidding.

I must admit that the past two weeks were pretty lonely because of that. The Summer blues really hit me in the face. I guess Lana Del Rey was right about Summertime Sadness after all. On an even more negative note, there's a heatwave going on in Belgium, making it even harder to leave my seating position in front of the ventilator to go out and do something.

Anyway, all negativity aside now. I spent the past few weeks working really hard on my writing. I spent pretty much every day writing about all sorts of different subjects to improve my vocabulary and sentences. I also wrote a piece for my friend Hermione's upcoming issue for her magazine, Lippy Kids. I won't tell what its about, but it also features some good ol' diary spreads of mine. I also wrote something for another magazine of a friend and mostly just things for myself. It's weird because I never think about my writing when I write on this blog, which is probably the reason it's full of bad sentence structure and simple vocabulary. I see this blog more as a diary, and I don't want to worry about my writing on here because this blog is mainly just for myself.

Aside from writing, I started watching How To Get Away With Murder, a series I'm now horribly obsessed with. If you watched it, please email me via the Contact page on my blog so we can freak out and fangirl together, thank you very much.

My plans for August consist of catsitting, meeting up with friends, probably another short vacation in France and enjoying my last month of freedom. I'm not too sad for school to start again though, because Autumn is my favourite season in the world and I can't wait to drink cappucino's in coffeeshops and wear coats again.